Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
