On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just gift wrapped bread.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
