He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
