I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
did you just send me my own nude
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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