Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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