She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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