Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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