hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
