I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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