Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
