Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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