youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
