I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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