is your mom at the bar?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
