I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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