also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
