Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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