Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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