Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think a kid would responsible me up
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?