So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.