Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION