So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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