I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.