If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't turn off my feet"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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