If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I enjoy the company of your penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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