I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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