then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
