Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
