Life is so much better after having sex.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize