We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
