You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
