New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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