Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
