i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize