I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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