There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
