this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
