Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
