do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
