Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
