Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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