they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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