sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
