Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
