i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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