I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the raccoons are back...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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