How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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