I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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