All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
