Kiss
Puke
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
