that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
