hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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