I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
