Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
