There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This toilet bowl is my home.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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