Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
