she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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