I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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