i barfeds in our rink
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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