she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
