nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
