Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
