There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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