living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
