In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
