On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
