Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
