Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
smell my finger.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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