also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
