you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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